October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF 2012.
Day 3: After Loss Self Portrait
It also had me thinking about how proud I am of myself and of Marc for having the strength to smile and find happiness where we could in those early days. I cannot say that I thought I would never smile or laugh again when I was in those early stages of grief. I actually remember laughing at America’s Funniest Home Videos a lot. I actually watched every episode they had on hulu in the first week or two after Marc died. I used it to distract myself from the crushing weight of everything that I was trying to process. I can say I wondered if I would ever smile and laugh out of genuine happiness and fulfillment. Now 15 months later I know that I can. I can genuinely be happy and laugh and love and enjoy life while missing my baby boy. That pain is always there but I know that baby Marc would want his mommy to go on living. As I have said many times before, I want my life to be better because he lived and not be defined by his death.