Tangible Things

I got my memorial tattoo for baby Marc is August of 2011, the month after he died but I have not had a chance to include the experience on my blog because I did not start blogging until October. I thought about what I wanted for several weeks. I knew from the start that I had to get something tattooed on my body. Losing my son had changed me, I would never be the same and I needed something that would be an outward symbol of these changes and also a beautiful tribute to my sweet babies brief life. I had thought about his feet print or maybe the Celtic motherhood knot but nothing I looked at seemed to inspire me enough. I wanted something that was colorful and beautiful, not just a simple black tattoo and I knew I wanted it on my foot.  I started looking up meanings of different flowers and my friend Stephanie found the meaning of cherry blossoms and I knew immediately that is what I wanted.  I read this part of the description and was instantly in tears.

The cherry blossom tree is known for its short yet brilliant blooming season which ends with an inevitable fall to the ground. The Cherry Blossom meaning and symbolism is translated into the traditional Japanese Samurai spirit, the belief that life is short and beautiful, like the Cherry Blossom Flower's life span.

How perfect! My sweet baby Marc's life was short but so beautiful. The cherry blossoms are only in full bloom for about one or two weeks out of the year, they are celebrated and cherished. It just seemed like such a wonderful symbolism. Not to mention they also have other meanings that went well.

The cherry blossom tree is one of the most popular good luck symbols in Japanese tradition. Cherry blossom meaning in tattoo also signifies overcoming an obstacle in life. The cherry blossom tree meaning in tattoos signifies fertility and nobility. This is because in ancient Japan, people threw parties to showcase their beautiful blooming cherry trees. And the members of the high society graced these occasions. It is said that the cherry blossom showers a person with love and happiness, thus indicating good luck.

I would have my symbol of baby Marc's short life and also a good luck charm for the future. I drew the tattoo myself and found an awesome artist, Hannah from Royal One Tattoo in Fort Worth. My mom and Amber went with me and they also got a portion of the tattoo that I drew in their foot. My sister Jessica lives in Austin and she got a different design but still cherry blossoms on her side in remembrance of baby Marc. I was glad that my friend Amber agreed to go first because I was nervous. I have one small tattoo of a treble clef and music note on my hip but I got that when I was 19 and it took all of 5 minutes. This was going to take about an hour and a half and although I had just delivered Marc naturally I still feel like I am a wimp when it comes to physical pain. As I waited for Amber to get her tattoo I remember sitting by my mom and breaking down. I was happy that I was there doing something to remember baby Marc but it had only been four weeks and all I could think about was what I should be doing instead. I should not be here getting a tattoo, I thought, I should be at home snuggling with my tiny newborn boy. I got it together and took my turn, it really was not that bad of pain but it was no picnic either.

I don't need physical reminders to think of my sweet boy but it is nice to have them around. I have Marc's pictures all over the house, I had a miniature sculpture made of him, I had his name written in the sand and the picture is hanging in my room as well, I have necklace pendants, buttons, a beautiful snow globe with his picture, he has an in progress scrapbook, and a memory box.  It is nice to have these tangible things around to remember him with and it will be wonderful to have his little brothers and sisters grow up with his presence. Every time I look down at my foot and see my beautiful flowers I think of my sweet Marcus. I have five cherry blossoms in every stage of bloom and a one cherry blossom petal falling to symbolize the brevity of life.