Four years. How has it already been four years since I held his tiny body in my arms? A short time, a long time, time. I have learned to carry this grief quite well. Most days the weight is light, I think of him and wonder who he would be without spilling one tear. There are still times I read something, think of him or say his name and feel that lump in my throat. I try to choke back the sea of tears that I know if I let out I cannot be sure when they will stop.
As Baby Marc's birthday approaches it gets harder and harder to avoid those tears and honestly I don't want to. I am so happy that I have learned to cope with my grief in a way that allows me to be happy and enjoy my living children, family and friends but I think it is good to allow the grief back in at times. To allow myself to feel the full weight of his absence and to cry. To cry without worrying about when the tears will stop because I know they will.
Since his birthday and death the first week of July leading up to the actual day is always emotional and usually much harder than the day itself. This year I am doing something extra special for my first little boys birthday and I think it will help ease the anticipation and heaviness that comes in the days before his birthday.
I have ordered 1500 random acts of kindness cards. They will be here on June 22nd and I will begin passing them out to friends and family as soon as I receive them. My hope is that many acts of kindness will be done in his memory.
“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” Scott Adams
If you have a card please perform your random act of kindness for someone and pass or leave a card for them to take and do the same. My hope is that some people will use the hashtag #babymarcRAOK and by doing so we might get a slight glimpse into the ripple effect that Baby Marc began.
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